HyveMynd
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Post by HyveMynd on May 15, 2013 22:20:59 GMT -8
Right. I know that of the people on these boards, possibly only myself and ironnikki play Monsterhearts on a regular basis. I've introduced D.T.Pints, forresst, and scubasteve to the game via a Skype one-shot, and am hoping to expose even more people to it at Septembercon 2013. So, I don't expect that many people here are all that familiar with the game. Still, I'm looking for feedback on some original content that my friend and I are working on. We both love Monsterhearts (he's the one running the game I'm currently playing in) and we're both interested in Japanese mythology (or feel that we should be interested since we've been here for so damn long). So we hit upon the idea to create some new Skins (archetypes or classes) for the game based on monsters from Japanese folktales. As the default setting for Monsterhearts is high school, and the Skins are inspired by non-european monsters, I thought it would be cool to call the packet of new Skins (if we ever finish it) "Foreign Exchange Students". I've got three new Skins started: The Oni, The Kitsune, and The Tengu. They're in various states of completion. The Oni's on revision 1, The Tengu is still just coming together, and The Kitsune is somewhere in the middle. If people would be willing to look them over and provide feedback, that would be totally awesome. Even if you don't really know how the game works, feedback on flavor text, clarity, and overall theme would still be greatly appreciated. The Oni (Revision 1) The Kitsune (first draft - unfinished) The Tengi (coming soon) ありはとう!
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Post by Houndin on May 16, 2013 10:09:14 GMT -8
Just with a quick once over and no fact checking, you have a typo on page 2 in "Oni wa soto"
It reads: When someone orders you out a place that is unquestionably theirs, take a String on them if you leave right away.
Suggested change: Add "of" between "out" and "a" in line 1
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HyveMynd
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Post by HyveMynd on May 16, 2013 17:25:25 GMT -8
Yeah. How did I miss that typo. Thanks for the correction, Houndin. Was anything else unclear, confusing, or just "off"?
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Post by Forresst on May 16, 2013 20:36:37 GMT -8
This looks just like those Skins you sent me from the original publisher! Aside from the one typo it seems to make plenty of sense. I didn't really know what an Oni was before now, so I can't really comment on how "true to life" it is, but I know I get how an Oni skin plays. It'd be really cool to mix in other things! I wonder if maybe some of the native stories I know would work as well as this.
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HyveMynd
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Post by HyveMynd on May 17, 2013 21:01:42 GMT -8
A great reference site is The Obakemono Project. Oni are sort of like European Ogres; big man-eating humanoid monsters with horns and usually either blue or red skin. They traditionally wear tigerskin loincloths and carry a kanobo, a big spiked club. Like nearly everything in Japanese folklore, they've got conflicting origins and powers in different stories. They're either demons or mountain spirits; can turn invisible or control wind and thunder; are protectors or big bad evil guys. I also rolled the namahage into the Skin. They're also Ogre-like creatures but they've become "social police". They punish bad kids and "encourage" people to behave and conform to society's standards with violence and fear. Perfect for a Monsterhearts Skin! Edit: I've added The Kitsune to the original post. There is still flavor text missing (the grey text) and I'm unhappy with some of the Moves. Specifically Sunshower and Fight or Flight. Sunshower needs a roll somewhere in there, otherwise it's going to be really hard to determine when it should trigger. Fight or Flight will probably get cut completely. It is very "foxy", but my friend pointed out that there's no real mechanical downside; the player will always choose the best option. That one needs a rethink.
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Post by Forresst on May 18, 2013 16:06:34 GMT -8
I tried to download the Kitsune one but I think your sharing settings are still semi-private. It won't let me see it
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HyveMynd
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Post by HyveMynd on May 18, 2013 16:35:29 GMT -8
Herp derp. The Kitsune link should work now.
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Post by Forresst on May 19, 2013 12:40:52 GMT -8
Basic speeling error: you have devourerd a thousand livers. It's either devourer OF a thousand livers or devoured a thousand livers.
Hmm. How about "Whenever someone intrudes on your privacy, unannounced and uninvited, roll dark. On a miss, they get a glimpse of your true form and gain a string on you. On a 7-9 they could see (options here) and you get a string, and on a 10+ you gain a string."?
As for fight or flight I would say "you may choose to roll with dark to either hold steady or run away, rather than the usual stat. If you roll dark and succeed, you and the other player in the situation gain a string on each other."
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HyveMynd
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Post by HyveMynd on May 19, 2013 21:44:42 GMT -8
Basic speeling error: you have devourerd a thousand livers. It's either devourer OF a thousand livers or devoured a thousand livers. This is precisely why I need other sets of eyes on my stuff. My spelling is absolute crap. I was thinking something along those lines, though I might make the rolled stat Hot. I'm a little worried because this is similar to one of The Fae's moves. That might be unavoidable, as there's only so much design space to work with. The inspiration behind the move is the 狐の嫁入り (kitsune no yomeiri) "kitusne's wedding", which is believed to happen when there's rain or a rainbow on an otherwise sunny day. If someone somehow stumbles onto this fox wedding without being invited, then they end up getting cursed with shit luck. Kind of like interrupting a faerie dance in European folklore. Maybe something like this: When someone intrudes on your privacy, unannounced and uninvited, roll with hot. On a 10 up, take a String on them and they gain the Condition unlucky. On a 7-9, choose one or the other. On a miss, they get a glimpse of your true form and gain a String on you. A stat-substitution move allowing the player to roll with dark when running away is a decent solution. I'd probably just leave it at that, without the "cost" of a String, as other similar moves are just "use [stat] for
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Post by ironnikki on May 21, 2013 11:02:21 GMT -8
This is a really cool idea! Unfortunately, I don't get to play Monsterhearts very regularly anymore, but this is making me want to return more than ever.
I'm woefully undereducated when it comes to Japanese folklore, although your link helped me get an idea of what you're trying to design. As it stands, the Oni comes across as a bully that enforces conformity, which I think is exactly what you're shooting for. However, I'm a bit confused about the inclusion of the 'Unseen Spirit' move; the effect doesn't really jive with the flavor that you've otherwise established. I'm guessing that Oni are well known in Japanese folklore to disappear as described in the move, so if I knew more about Japanese folklore it would probably make more sense to me, but it currently feels out of place.
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HyveMynd
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Post by HyveMynd on May 21, 2013 17:27:48 GMT -8
Thanks for looking, ironnikki, and sorry that you don't get to play Monsterhearts more often. I mentioned this in a previous post, but The Oni skin is really two Ogre-like Japanese monsters rolled into a single entity; the Oni and the Namahage. 'Unseen Spirit' and 'Stormcaller' are moves inspired by the Oni, while the conformity-enforcing bully comes from the Namahage. I thought about changing the name of the skin to The Ogre, but it just didn't have the same impact. It sounded too European, too.
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Post by ironnikki on May 22, 2013 7:14:31 GMT -8
I like the name the way it is too; it's distinctly Eastern. I think the disparity that I was getting was from not being familiar with the source material; that makes more sense now.
One of these days I'll convince my group to take a break from Pathfinder and try Monsterhearts. I might have to ease them into the AW-mindset first via Dungeon World, but that's okay by me too :-) Keep up the good work!
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D.T. Pints
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Post by D.T. Pints on May 22, 2013 22:35:10 GMT -8
I like the name the way it is too; it's distinctly Eastern. I think the disparity that I was getting was from not being familiar with the source material; that makes more sense now. One of these days I'll convince my group to take a break from Pathfinder and try Monsterhearts. I might have to ease them into the AW-mindset first via Dungeon World, but that's okay by me too :-) Keep up the good work! I think DW is a great gateway drug to Hyves hippy game universe! When's that AP comin Hyve-San ? (Take your time...)
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HyveMynd
Supporter
Dirty hippie, PbtA, Fate, & Cortex Prime <3er
Posts: 2,273
Preferred Game Systems: PbtA, Cortex Plus, Fate, Ubiquity
Currently Playing: Monsterhearts 2
Currently Running: The Sprawl
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Post by HyveMynd on Nov 26, 2013 5:26:39 GMT -8
It's been a while since I posted here, but I have an update. Or, at least the latest version (revision 2) of it is. Thanks to everyone (meaning Forresst, SirGuido, and guitarspider) who gave me ideas in the " Help With a Sex Move" thread. I ended up going a different route, but it was still really helpful to see what other people thought. If you can spare a minute or two to look at it, I'd really appreciate feedback. I still need to come up with five physical looks, and the Backstory section (the initial exchange of Strings). I'm totally open to suggestions.
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Post by guitarspider on Nov 26, 2013 8:31:22 GMT -8
I like the sex move. The wording seems not to be totally clear though: "tell your partner if you orgasm. If you do, give them..." do what, tell them or orgasm? I guess the second is meant, but I immediately had a fake orgasm in mind (lying skin and I've no idea when it comes to Japanese mythology, so lying is all I had to go on. ). Maybe it's just me being tired and my brain making weird connections as a result.
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