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Post by Stu Venable on Jul 26, 2017 11:45:14 GMT -8
If you've read (or even skimmed) the book and noticed something breaking, inconsistent, etc. Please let me know here.
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hjillsok
Initiate Douchebag
Posts: 14
Preferred Game Systems: Savage Worlds, D&D5e, White Wolf, Rifts
Currently Playing: D&D5e
Currently Running: Savage Worlds
Favorite Species of Monkey: Big Blue
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Post by hjillsok on Jul 26, 2017 20:40:18 GMT -8
Page 6 - Rather than counting the numbers of the dice an adding them together, - "and" Page 7 - (I think it might be worth stating that it is acceptable to have multiple "relevant" skills, in addition to the rare "applicable" skills, unless I have misread your intentions when running games.) Page 7 - that is, while not relevant, arguable applicable to the task at had. - "arguably", "hand" Page 8 - For example, if you are trying to roll two successes, and your dice pool to one die, increase your dice pool at two, - "dice pool is one die", "dice pool to two" (I would rather see this example using a TN:3, because a single die in a dice pool is going to be rare until you have penalties, and penalties are explained much later) Page 8 - in competition or opposition to - "competition with" Page 9 - (Question on opposed rolls, is it worth mentioning critical failure on one side and simple failure on the other?) Page 10 - six Statistics / which Statistic / the Mechanic skill - should be lowercase (Or, Stats and Skills could always be uppercase to clearly indicate a rule is being referenced. Style choice, that up to page 10 is currently lowercase.) Page 10 - If your character has the medicine skill, - Medicine is not a listed skill, only Medic Page 11 - Second paragraph is a smaller font size Page 11 - make a skilled roll, an unskilled roll or a statistic roll - "make a skill roll or a statistic roll" (An unskilled roll is when a player doesn't have the relevant skill when making a Skill Roll) Page 11 - Sidebar: Target Number as a Dial - (This sidebar mostly just restates the TN explanation without adding new information. Consider cutting all but the first and last paragraph, or adding additional information or examples beyond what you are currently presenting.) Page 11 - dial in now heroic - "how", "heroically" Page 12 - Critical - (Crits are really cool, so I think they deserve to have at least one example for each. This would go along with the tone of the book so far as not assuming the reader has played an RPG before.) Page 15 - Basic Statistics - (It would be nice to see a chart like you have for skills that explain what each level means, and what the cost is.) Page 16 - statistic and some mathematical operation to - (consider dropping "and some mathematical operation") Page 16 - always round down or drop fractions. - (redundant, possibly on purpose) Page 17 - Move - (This feels very slow. I know you're not making a tactical mini game, but this is roughly 1/3 to 1/6 the speed of D&D or Savage Worlds.) Page 18 - Buying Skills - (Dial suggestions: During character creation ignore level 0 and subtract one point from each level of the chart for characters with a larger pool of skills. Also: Cap level allowed at character creation to prevent overspecialized masters.) Page 19 - maces, chairs, etc - (Wouldn't a chair be an improvised weapon and use Brawling?) Page 19 - target being cautious - "is being" Page 19 - Pickpocket/Stealth vs Perception - (Is it fair to oppose a double pool with a single pool? Skill vs Skill seems fair, and Stat vs Stat seems fair, but mixing them doesn't.) Page 19 - Also allows you to follow another character on foot without detection. This is also the skill used to follow someone undetected (shadowing). - (Are these sentences intended to reference different things, because they feel like they are both saying the same thing.) Page 19 - ties indicatedthat the - "indicate the" (Should be consistent with Pickpocket wording, aside from typo) Page 19 - You likely have a broad knowledge of different human societies and can infer things about unfamiliar ones with your broad knowledge. - (drop "with your broad knowledge", redundant. Suggest you drop "likely".) Page 20 - Astrogation - (Suggest this be moved to Setting Specific) Page 20 - (TN:2). - (Should this be TN:+1? If you're playing with TN:2 would this be TN:3, or are you hardcoding this value regardless of the TN dial?) Page 20 - understand the basic chemical - (suggest: "understand chemical") Page 20 - Psychology - (Because you don't have a Sociology skill...should this be used to cover that?) Page 20 - Computers/Computer Security - (Are these purposely written to sound "basic", or is that a tonal mistake? How would you make a computer programmer vs a hacker? Currently it sounds like only hackers can write code, but only a little code.) Page 21 - Electrician - (As written, this should be a Setting skill, but I think it makes sense that it have a basic use and an additional Setting use.) Page 21 - injured again). - "injured again after being healed)." Page 21 - Religion – (Category: ) This - (Obviously this is completely missing :} It's also the only "Category" skill in the vanilla rules. Definitely want to explain "Category" skills here.) Page 22 - Acting vs Lying - Acting, as written, seems like it would cover Lying. Acting sounds like a catch-all for Bluff type actions. Page 22 - you to begin conversations without - "you to hold a conversation without" Page 22 - Intimidate - (This is a good opportunity to highlight a topic you discussed on the podcast where Intimidate is the ability to make yourself more threatening/dangerous than you appear. If a scary Orc with an axe is threatening to cut off your hand if you don't talk, then an Intimidate roll shouldn't be necessary, though that might not be a trigger that convinces some people to talk. But if a scary Orc with an axe is threatening to tell your wife about an affair that you're having, then you roll the dice. Page 23 - Setting - (I think it merits having a sidebar or introduction to this section of skills explaining that different settings will have additional skills available that fall into existing categories, or even new categories, like Magic. I wouldn't define any skills here if you aren't including a setting with the base rules; I would just list out some examples.)
More to come. Time for bed! <3
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hjillsok
Initiate Douchebag
Posts: 14
Preferred Game Systems: Savage Worlds, D&D5e, White Wolf, Rifts
Currently Playing: D&D5e
Currently Running: Savage Worlds
Favorite Species of Monkey: Big Blue
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Post by hjillsok on Jul 27, 2017 19:38:14 GMT -8
Hello again, picking up with Chapter 4 :}
Page 9 - relevant stat plus - "statistic" (You don't say that statistic can also be referred to as "stat", and tone suggests that not everyone is expected to understand that sort of shorthand.) Page 9 - common statistics roll - "statistic" Page 10 - relevant stat to be - "statistic" Page 15 - basic stats are - "statistics" (This could be where you say that Stat and Statistic are interchangeable, so no further comment on stat vs statistic, unless you want me to.)
Page 25 - Traits - (I understand the mechanics, but I think they could be made more clear if they were treated more like merits/flaws in WoD. Give the character "Trait Points", or something, and taking a problem gives you one TP. Boons or Talents cost one or two TP. This also gives you an additional "dial" with standard characters getting zero TP to start and heroic characters getting one or two TP for free. It's mostly just how you have to read that one problem equals one boon, except when it doesn't, and sometimes one problem equals something else. It would also help when writing up a character creation cheat sheet.) Page 25 - “negative” traits give you - "which give" Page 25 - (Suggest rewording/rewriting second and third paragraph: We call these strengths and weaknesses "Traits." There are three kinds of Traits: Talents, Boons, and Problems. Talents are traits natural abilities that provide a simple mechanical benefit. Boons are traits that provide a roleplaying or complex mechanical benefit. Problems are traits that complicate your character's life. In order to add a boon or a talent you must add a problem or problems to balance it. You may take up to four problems to gain the "currency" to "purchase" talents and boons. Some esoteric talents and boons may require more than one problem to balance it. Rather than purchase a talent or a boon you can also choose to purchase three skill points or one statistic point per problem.) (Second paragraph currently doesn't do a good job introducing the trait types with a minimal description. The transition to purchasing is also rough because it starts in second paragraph, and then has an afterthought in the third.) Page 25 - For every Problem you take, you may take a Talent or Boon. - (I would delete this, as it is only mostly true, and incomplete.) Page 26 - some common - "some examples of common" Page 26 - it tends to spread - "it has spread" Page 26 - be about past - "be from past" Page 26 - you to cash - "you and cash" Page 27 - a natural ability - "your natural abilities" Page 27 - parties, you - ", or" Page 27 - and to purchase - "and when you purchase" Page 27 - add 3d6 - (This feels like an opportunity to add an additional dial. 3d6 is default, gritty is 2d6, heroic is 4d6.) Page 27 - After you have - "There are two ways that Moments of Truth interact with Talents. First, after you have" Page 27 - the two times - "the times per session" Page 27 - Truth to add 3d6 to a single roll relevant to this talent as well. - "Truth to activate the talent as normal." Page 27 - When you and the GM - "Second, when" Page 27 - gain a bonus to a skill or circumstance that is not specified, - "gain the 3d6 trait bonus to a roll that does not match the specified roll and/or circumstances," Page 27 - (The second MoT usage for Talents does not specify if you also have to spend an activation of the talent along with the MoT. It needs a clarifier like: "this does not use up one of the normal uses per session." or "this also uses up one of the standard activations per session; if you have already exhausted those activations, then you must spend an additional MoT." or whatever, just so the rule is clear.) Page 27/28 - Bonus to <> when - "Gain the standard Talent bonus to <> rolls when" Page 28 - Boons - (Would you use a boon for "Jack of all Trades"? All skills count as rank 0. Would that be a 2 point boon? Is that too powerful?) Page 28 - Boons are things about your character that make life a little bit easier. It could be wealth, social status, an influential job, membership to an exclusive club, a noble title, friends in high places, etc. You can take a boon by taking a problem. - (Too short/incomplete. "Boons are things about your character that make life a little bit easier. Basic boons are the inverse of problems, like wealth, social status, an influential job, etc. Boons are also the standard way to introduce supernatural character mechanics like magic or super powers. Basic boons will cost one problem <TP>, while setting specific boons, which are not addressed in this book, might cost two.") Page 28 - games story. - "game's" Page 28 - killed - "dead" Page 29 - Special Traits - (Tacking this on at the end like this is actually kind of confusing, because you don't mention it at all in the chapter introduction. I think it might be better to explicitly fold this into Talents and Boons with an undefined example of each in the appropriate section. Generally, it seems like it should be folded into boons, honestly.) Page 29 - While not covered in this text, there exist special traits that describe - "Future supplements will describe" Page 30 - the system - "the game system" Page 30 - (or any other) RPG - (delete, redundant) Page 30 - (Post Character Generation) - (delete, redundant) Page 30 - you may have - "you should have" Page 30 - open ended questions - (The chart doesn't really have questions, so much as prompts, so this doesn't seem to fit) Page 30 - frame work - "framework" Page 32 - two or more successes more - "at least two successes more" Page 32 - But there is a third - "There is an additional" Page 34 - hit is head - "his"
More pedantry later. I hope you're enjoying it. I'm certainly enjoying the book!
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hjillsok
Initiate Douchebag
Posts: 14
Preferred Game Systems: Savage Worlds, D&D5e, White Wolf, Rifts
Currently Playing: D&D5e
Currently Running: Savage Worlds
Favorite Species of Monkey: Big Blue
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Post by hjillsok on Aug 2, 2017 20:20:41 GMT -8
I finally have some time to do more. :} Page 35 - Player-Triggered Rewards - (I think this would be a good place to discuss, or reference a future discussion, how a GM should avoid gating story progress behind a roll. Another good thing would be to reassure the player that failing should lead to fun and interesting situations. Maybe a sidebar where you reference a couple of movie scenes where the character(s) failed a roll and things got crazy?) Page 35 - If you use MoTs at all - (I thought this mechanic was the corner-stone of the system. Does it play well without them?_ Page 35 - the follow reward - "following" Page 35 - make a skill roll - "skill or statistic" (I assume) Page 35 - daring-do - "derring-do" page 36 - for the less dramatic arise - "dramatic player" (I think that's the intention. If not, the sentence is clunky.) Page 36 - MoTs can be used one at a time or in multiples. As a player, you can use as many as you possess, all at the same time if you like. MoTs can be used for several things. - (This opening feels rough and out of order. 1) Multiples implies a number other than one: "Multiples of two", so there is cognitive dissonance for me. 2) Multiple MoTs only really apply to adding dice, so I'm not sure you even need to mention it in the opening. 3) Players are the only ones that have MoTs, right? So "As a player" is unnecessary? 4) Second paragraph seems like it should be the opening sentence. Suggested edit: MoTs can be used for several things, which are detailed below. Any limits on the usage of MoTs is up to the GM, so be sure that any changes to the rules below are discussed beforehand.) Page 36 - pool: statistics roll - "statistic" Page 37 - to increase your likelihood of a favorable outcome - (redundant, I would delete.) Page 37 - as in with the dead office worker - (Huh? I don't think you need this part.) Page 38 - Sidebar: Moments of Truth as Dials - (When I read this section I still wasn't clear where the "dial" was. How should I adjust the slider? How should I mix and match? Should I start with player triggered as the baseline and add on from there? Do I ditch the player triggered when I go to heroic? I'd like to see some examples.) Page 38 - daring-do - "derring-do" Page 39 - mind. Anyone - "mind, as anyone" Page 39 - is for the most part futile - "is, for the most part, futile" Page 40 - this is usually against Read Individual or the perception stat - (This is confusing, because these two things are not equal. If it is against perception, then it is a 5/6 roll. If it is against Read Individual, then it is a skill roll and depends on if the mark has the skill. The next sentence then implies that if it is a perception roll, then it is really an unskilled Read Individual roll. Are you actually trying to say "this is usually against Read Individual with Perception"? If so, this brings up the point that I don't think that you have established a good style-guide for how to write standard skill/stat combinations at this point. WoD has a consistent style, but it clearly reads like a game. Not sure if that would be good or bad with MoT.) Page 40 - play a major role in a large portion of - (redundant. delete "a large portion of") Only five pages I need more time!
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hjillsok
Initiate Douchebag
Posts: 14
Preferred Game Systems: Savage Worlds, D&D5e, White Wolf, Rifts
Currently Playing: D&D5e
Currently Running: Savage Worlds
Favorite Species of Monkey: Big Blue
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Post by hjillsok on Aug 5, 2017 11:47:09 GMT -8
Page 16 - 2xendurance - "2xEndurance" Page 17 - Agility+will - "Agility+Will" Page 17 - Agility+endurance - "Agility+Endurance"
Page 44 - All other distances are measured in meters. - (redundant. delete.) Page 46 - If you are using unarmed combat or a melee weapon, you add your melee attack score to your relevant weapon skill. - (I'm not sure that Martial Arts and Brawling are clearly identified as "weapon" skills.) Page 46 - You will use this dice pool to make attacks by rolling a number of dice equal to your chosen attack score plus the relevant weapon. - (This feels weird and redundant. You've explained the basic dice mechanics already in chapter 1, and you spent two paragraphs explaining how to build your combat dice pool.) Page 46 - Attacking and Defending - (This section feels rough and I am going to take a stab at a major rewrite/reorganization, so apologies if I'm overstepping on this, but I think I have an idea on how to clarify things.
Attacking and Defending Making an Attack Your combat dice pool is built as a skill roll for the weapon or attack type that you wish employ on your turn. Choose your combat skill (Brawling; Melee, One-Handed; Gunnery; etc) and the stat associated with the type of attack you will be making (ranged attack or melee attack.) This is the dice pool that you will use to make your skill roll to attack. The TN for an attack roll against an aware and unfettered opponent will be the same as for any other skill roll, as defined by the GM. Different circumstances, based on situation or the type of attack being made, can modify the TN or dice pool in ways defined below. Defense Dice <As written, errors to follow.> Called Shots <As written for Armor and Called Shots section. Skip first paragraph.> Grappling <As written.> Damage, Death, and Healing Types of Damage <First paragraph of Damage section.> Rolling Damage <As written.> Armor Armor will have a value listed in the equipment section and that number reduces the amount of damage taken from each attack. The armor value subracts from serious damage first, and if the armor value is higher than the amount of serious damage done, then the difference reduces the amount of minor damage done. Effects of Damage <The remainder of the Damage section up to the Death section> Bleeding <As written.> Healing <As written.> Death <As written, including Heroic Death.> Combat Conditions Summary)
Page 46 - character's turn second turn. - "character's next turn." Page 46 - That is, you cannot alter your defense dice until the beginning of your turn, before you act, in the second round of combat. - (redundant. delete.) Page 46 - the number of successes your opponents must roll to hit - "the TN to hit" Page 47 - aware and unfettered, - (Is this defined anywhere? Is there a different TN to hit if your opponent is unaware, or if they are fettered?) Page 47 - NPCs must - "enemies must" Page 47 - Dice reserved for defense cannot be used for your attack roll during your turn. - (redundant, delete) Page 47 - Grappling - (I realized that you have a moderately complicated and non-standard roll used for all grappling actions aside from establishing a grapple, but you never define it as such, and that makes it harder to reference for the moves. Here is my suggestion for fixing that:
"...If successful, you have grappled your opponent.
The Grappling Roll A grappling roll is the method of performing actions while part of a grapple. This is a contested roll, and the results depend on the action being taken (see below.) Each participant makes a skill roll with Strength or Melee Combat, whichever is higher, and brawling. Any participant can substitute martial arts for brawling if they are trained. If any participant uses martial arts in this contest, then brawling rolls are treated as unskilled and only sixes are counted. Once you have grappled your opponent the following applies:") Page 47 - If you are unarmed - (So, if I have a dagger, then I can't grapple? Can I draw a dagger and attack after I grapple? How do I hold someone hostage with a gun or dagger?) Page 47 - at or can get to - "at, or can get to," Page 47 - an unarmed combat or martial - "a brawling or martial" Page 47 - immobilized, - (This is never defined.) Page 47 - needs to get 1 less success than normal to hit. - "reduces their TN by 1." Page 47 - Attacks that result - "Attacks against the grappled target that result." (Is the converse also true? Attacks against the grappler that critically fail damage the grappled target?) Page 47 - Your opponent - (Need to break this first bullet into more bullets, because it's not all related: > Your opponent... > Anyone attacking... The TN to hit... > Attacks that generate...) Page 47 - Your opponent cannot move away from you. - (redundant with immobilized?) Page 47 - You may attack your opponent at close range. - "You may only attack your opponent with unarmed attacks." (Unless there is a change to the rules as written...) Page 48 - On their turn... ...remains. - (With the rewrite above that defines the grapple roll, here's my replacement for escaping. Escaping a Grapple Someone who has been grappled can attempt to break free as an action on their turn. A grapple roll is made and if the person attempting to escape is successful, then the grapple is broken. If the roll results in a tie, then the grapple remains.") Page 48 - Take-down - (rewrite: "While grappling you may take an action to attempt a take-down. Make a grapple roll. The winner of this roll chooses which of the participants of the grapple are thrown to the ground and are prone. In the case of a tie, then both parties fall and are prone." I am assuming a lot here, but this is how I read it.) Page 48 - Strangle - (rewrite: "While grappling you may use your action to block your opponent's airway. Make a grapple roll to shift your hold to their neck. If you are successful, then you are suffocating your opponent (see conditions at the end of the chapter.) If there is a tie, then the grapple continues and you do not shift your hold. If you lose the roll, then your opponent is able to break free of the grapple." - This is how I read what you have for strangle, but I have questions and suggestions. 1) Why does suffocation start right away? Are you knocking the wind out of them first? 2) Is this meant to be the silent take-down that knocks someone out quickly? Because that is blocking the blood-flow to the brain, whereas strangulation is blocking air and is much slower. 3) Once you are strangling an opponent, do you have to roll to strangle each turn, or does it just persist? 4) I would suggest that while strangling you be able to do one point of serious damage each round to represent crushing their throat. This would be an optional move for the strangling player, because they might not want to kill the person, just knock them out.) Page 48 - Disarm - (rewrite: "While grappling you may take an action to attempt to disarm your opponent. Make a grapple roll; if you win, then the opponent is forced to drop whatever they are carrying. If you lose or tie this roll, then you struggle with your opponent, but nothing happens.") Page 48 - when inflicted, minor - "when inflicted, but are tracked separately. Minor" Page 48 - minor damage deducts one hit point and is easily healed (perhaps a good night's rest, taking a breather, etc), and major damage deducts one hit point and requires first aid, medical attention and/or time to heal. - (rewrite: "Minor damage reflects physical strain, minor bruising, and exhaustion and heals quickly with rest (perhaps a good night's sleep, taking a breather, etc. Serious damage represents physical wounds and requires medical attention to heal quickly.)" Page 48/49 - In most circumstances, - "Unless otherwise noted," Page 49 - a point of major - "serious" Page 49 - The amount of damage you take has various effects, detailed below. - (rewrite: "Damage to a character has specific effects listed below when it reaches certain thresholds.") Page 49 - If you take enough damage, you will suffer penalties to skills roll dice pools (but never statistic roll dice pools). - "Remember that the dice penalties below do not apply to statistic rolls." Page 49 - Also, major... ...certain thresholds. - (delete all of this as it is either redundant or confusing.) Page 49 - Six Hit Points Remaining - "Injured" Page 49 - when they lose all but six hit points. When they reach injured - "while they have six or fewer HP. While injured" Page 49 - Two Hit Points Remaining - "Wounded" Page 49 - Characters are considered wounded when they lose all but two hit points. When characters reach wounded - "When they have only one or two HP remaining a character is no longer injured and becomes wounded instead. While wounded" Page 49 - Zero Hit Points - "Unconscious" Page 49 - Characters are considered unconscious ... - "When a character's Hit Points are reduced to zero they immediately fall unconscious and are unable to act until their Hit Points are positive." (You don't say what happens after 2d6 minutes... I am guessing that the effect is up to the GM and would range from "remove minor damage until you have 1 HP" to "remove all minor damage". That's why I reworded it the way I did. Can I suggest the following rules additions be added on after the above? - "After 2d6 minutes without additional injury a character can make an endurance to regain consciousness. If the roll is successful remove minor damage until the character has Hit Points equal to the number of successes. If, even after removing all minor damage the player's Hit Points are zero or below, then the character cannot regain consciousness until they have received medical treatment (see Healing, below.)" or for the second sentence, maybe: "If the roll is successful remove minor damage until the character has one Hit Point." Page 50 - total number of hit points - "total damage taken" Page 50 - equal to their twice - "equal to twice" Page 50 - plus one (or - "plus one. There is one chance to save a character who has died using these rules and that is a heroic effort of first aid. Within one minute of taking the fatal blow (unless it is was the result of a called shot to the head or neck) anyone can make a healing roll on the dead character. All of the dead character's remaining Moments of Truth are added to this roll. If the roll is a critical success, then the character removes enough damage to bring their damage pool to exactly twice their hit points (they are one damage from death) and the character is in critical condition. If the bleeding rules are being used, then the player does not make bleeding rolls as long as someone is actively caring for them. Further healing is handled normally, and the critical roll that brought them back to life does not count as their one healing roll allowed.")(This was casually mentioned and not defined in the conditions section, so I took a stab at defining the rule...) Page 50 - (or their total damage equals their negative hit points total) - (I don't think this makes sense, or is required.) Page 50 - Jane has 12 hit points - "Jane is uninjured and has..." Page 50 - If on the second turn she take at least 11 points of any combination of minor or serious damage, - "If she takes 12 more damage, bringing her to -13 HP, of any type before receiving aid," Page 50 - Rolling Damage - (This section is moderately confusing, because you say "roll the damage dice" before you've said what damage dice are, or what numbers you're looking for. This is my rewrite for clarity, based on how you have explained it during play.) " The two-tiered damage system generates both minor and serious damage from a single damage roll. This damage roll is based on the weapon used in the attack and this dice pool can be found in the equipment section. Also found in the equipment section are the damage thresholds for the weapon, listed with the minor threshold first and then the serious threshold. After you have successfully hit with an attack roll roll the damage dice pool. First, count the number of dice where the number shown is equal to greater than the serious threshold; this is the serious damage and armor reduces this number first. Second, count the number of dice where the number shown is equal to or greater than the minor threshold INCLUDING THE DICE THAT GENERATED SERIOUS DAMAGE."(caps indicates bold.) Page 51 - Called Shots - (Can you combine a called shot vs armor with a called shot vs location? If so, I recommend adding the following sentence, probably after the armor section: "These increases are cumulative with any increases due to targeting a location as well.") (Also, can you add dice to hit or damage by taking time to aim?) Page 51 - character will less - "with" Page 51 - you must roll three successes rather than two (or increase the TN by 1). - "increase the TN to hit by 1." (Easier to write and read the rules if you don't reference sliders like TN as if there was a default.) Page 51 - you must get four successes rather than two (or increase the TN by 2). - "increase the TN to hit by 2." Page 51 - You may also aim for specific body parts. - "Aiming for specific body parts" (subhead) Page 51 - requires one extra success - "increase the TN to hit by 1." Page 51 - roll four - "roll at least four" Page 51 - or two major - "serious" Page 51 - requires two extra successes - "increase the TN to hit by 2." Page 51 - roll four - "roll at least four" Page 51 - or two major - "serious" Page 51 - requires two extra successes - "increase the TN to hit by 2." Page 51 - and drop the minor and major numbers for the attack - "and reduce the minor and serious numbers of the weapon" Page 51 - by one each - "by one." (What am I seeing below, btw? Does headshot damage kill on 4 serious too?) Page 51 - requires two extra successes - "increase the TN to hit by 2." Page 51 - drop the minor and major numbers of your weapon - "reduce the minor and serious" Page 51 - points of major - "serious" Page 51 - in a single attack - "done by a single called shot to the neck" Page 51/52 - Once you have take major damage equal to one third of your hit points pool (drop fractions), you may begin bleeding in a nonsuperficial way. After every subsequent combat round, make an endurance roll. In every round in which you do not get any successes, you lose one hit point (this is serious damage, as opposed to minor damage). - (rewrite for clarity: "While your character has serious damage equal to, or greater than, one third of their hit points (drop fractions), they risk further damage from blood loss. At the end of your turn make an Endurance statistic roll. Failure indicates bleeding and your character takes one point of serious damage. This can only be stopped during combat by a successful Medic roll that reduces serious damage to less than one third of the character's hit points. Any attempt to bandage the wound (no roll needed) outside of combat rounds will stop the blood loss.")(Last two sentences are my guess on how the mechanic to stop bleeding would work.) Page 52 - character will - "with" Page 52 - First Aid or Medicine - (These skills don't exist currently... only Medic.) Page 52 - Every success - (What happens in a gritty TN:2 game? Do healing or endurance rolls actually have no TN? Do 2 successes in a TN:2 game heal just one serious?) Page 52 - Healing - (Does MoT purposely lack the concept of "natural" healing? Where if you just rest eventually your serious damage goes away, even if you don't get medical treatment?) Page 52 - hit point of major - "serious" (several times in this section. Looks like a hold-over?) Page 52 - every two hours of rest heals one point - "every hour of rest heals two points" Page 53 - Dead - (This is much more confusing than the way it was originally stated, and the crit healing roll isn't mentioned in the main section. Is there a time limit on the crit success? Also, is this an exception to MoT usage which allows one player to spend their MoTs for another player's roll?)(rewrite: In a heroic combat a character dies when they are in negative hit points and you decide that they should die. Each other player in the game gains three MoTs and this character cannot be revived. In the harsh rules a character dies when they have negative hit points equal to their positive HP plus one. They have one chance to be revived through a critically successful healing roll.") Page 53 - does four - "does at least four" Page 53 - grappled disarm maneuver. - "disarm maneuver while grappled." Page 53 - arts or unarmed - "brawling" Page 53 - plus unarmed - "brawling" Page 53 - You become injured when you take enough damage so that you only have six hit points remaining. - "You are injured while you have fewer than seven and more than two hit points." Page 53 - You become - "You can become" Page 53 - Prone - (Something I noticed... the way you've written it unconscious characters are not prone. They become prone when they wake up...) Page 53 - Suffocating - (The way you've written this if someone held their breath for thirty seconds they would pass out or die. This seems like something that should come at the end when their breath ran out...) Page 54 - the top of every turn - "the beginning of your turn" Page 54 - naturally or receive medical aid - "to have a positive hit point total" Page 54 - two - "one or two"
(That is the combat section... It makes sense that it would have the most difficulty, as it is the most rules dense. Hopefully this helps.)
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Post by Stu Venable on Aug 10, 2017 9:24:03 GMT -8
Thanks for doing this. I'm slowly making edits.
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hjillsok
Initiate Douchebag
Posts: 14
Preferred Game Systems: Savage Worlds, D&D5e, White Wolf, Rifts
Currently Playing: D&D5e
Currently Running: Savage Worlds
Favorite Species of Monkey: Big Blue
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Post by hjillsok on Aug 10, 2017 20:23:30 GMT -8
Page 29 - special traits cost two troubles. - "problems" Page 55 - Chapter 8: Miscellaneous Hazards - (My biggest complaint about this chapter is how clunky the damage references are. I think it would help to have a standard way of referencing damage that is easy to show and easy to show expanding. Maybe: "Fire does Xd6(3,4) and grows by 1d for every 5+ on a damage roll. Assume a small splash from a deep fryer starts at 1d.") Page 55 - occasional fist for - "or" Page 55 - Fire - (Fires also put themselves out as they burn out their fuel source. Should the dice pool reduce by 1d for every 1 (maybe 2) that is rolled?) Page 55 - The Minor and Major - "Serious" Page 58 - Additional Firearms Combat Rules - (Suggestion: Suppressing fire - with RoF weapon, successes on the attack reduce attack dice pool of ranged attackers. Attackers can ignore suppressing fire and avoid the penalty, but they take damage equal to the successes rolled. Anyone moving in or through the suppressed area also takes that damage. No TN.) Page 58 - (I had to read the first sentence three times to understand it because you don't use the serial comma ) Page 59 - where it is visible - (Laser sights paint a target in any unobstructed condition, except possibly bright sunlight. Unless you are saying that you have +2d to hit someone who is using a laser sight in these conditions.) Page 59 - Charge Attack - (Should this just say "you cannot allocate defense dice on a turn where you charge." or "You cannot charge on a turn where you allocate defense dice." That seems more clear, and more fair. When charging you are being reckless, even when moving.) Page 59 - extends through - (Can you move through enemies? Does this mean that people can't tactically block a passage to face a larger group of enemies, because they can just keep charging through them?) Page 60 - Charge Attack - (I don't understand the last piece... Are you saying that when you charge you can move a second time as a part of your attack action? So in one turn you: Move, Move, Attack or Move, Attack, Move?) Page 61 - Unarmed Attack (Cls) - "(C)" Page 61 - Martial Arts Attack (Cls) - "(C)" Page 61 - Martial Arts Attack deadly (Cls) - "Attack: Deadly (C)" Page 61 - +Skill - (I think you should name the skill. I also think you should have a separate column listing the skill.) Page 62 - Ranged Weapons - (I don't follow the range paradigm. Let's start with the .45 from the example: C-1m = -1d. Got it. 10m = Optimal...okay... what about 2m-9m and 11m? Are those also optimal? Then 12m is -1d, but is 18m still 1d, or does -2d start at 13m? I'm legitimately confused here, and not just arguing for clarity for less experienced gamers.) Page 62 - first column - (third column, or first range column) Page 62 - "too close" modifier - (Because "Close" is already a tactical range, could you use a different word for this distance? I read this as "For a sniper rifle close is close to two meters" and that's awkward.) Page 63 - applied to your character's hit points. - ("taken.") Page 63 - coverage over 25-50% - (Page 51 in the combat section says less than 75% is partial coverage.) Page 63 - more than about 50% - (See above. Also, delete "about".) Page 63 - Examples of a fully armored target - (It's pedantry, but you are giving examples of armor, not targets in armor.) Page 63 - you need two additional successes - "you must increase your TN to hit by two" (The current wording implies that you can declare the armor bypass after rolling to hit.) Page 63 - This is normally TN:2 to TN:4 - (Delete. Assumes the gritty rules, when it is easier not to.) Page 65 - Chapter 11: Character Advancement - (I am personally a fan of including character advancement rules immediately following character creation rules, because it helps to inform character creation if you know what you can change, and when.) Page 65 - then play the - "pay" Page 65 - In each table, find your current stat or skill level, then pay the Exp Points cost for the next level to increase. - (Delete. Redundant. Literally just a rewording of the previous paragraph. Move the bold section to the end of the previous paragraph.) Page 65 - game have - "game, have" Page 66 - exposure numerous - "exposure to numerous" Page 66 - point to increasing - "of" Page 66 - Education would... - (Move this sentence up to the previous paragraph.) Page 66 - advancements in physical training. - "advancements." Page 66 - difficult to increase perception - (The show "Psych" would beg to differ ;}) Page 66 - For most games - (I'm not clear from the content of the book so far that "gritty" is the default, or that it makes sense as the default, absent a default setting.) Page 66 - Each session, - "At the end of each session," Page 66 - award a number of experience - "award experience" Page 66 - points are awarded - ("earned"? "determined"? They are awarded by the GM saying "You get 5 xp, and you get 5xp, you all get 5xp!". This is a consistent note of discord for me throughout the section. You are ultimately saying "The GM should base their XP awards on the type of play that they want to see rewarded," but you don't explicitly say that, and I think it would make the section much easier to read if this were clearly stated.) Page 67 - how smartly - "how well" (Just read very awkwardly to me.) Page 67 - players will be reluctant - (This is true, and, to me, it illustrates a fundamental weakness with RPGs and rolling dice that you have addressed on your show, but I don't think has been fully integrated into this system. Failure should be as interesting as, or more interesting than, success, according to the show. Reducing the number of rolls that a player makes to just key moments means that failure is never going to be fun. I would actually love to see a one-shot, or a full episode of an actual play where every roll is purposely failed, just to stress test making failure fun. What happens when the players go out to track down the bandits and they all choose to search for tracks and fail? "I'm going to interrogate our only witness and try to intimidate the information out of them, and I'm going to fail on purpose." I want to see that in practice, because I think that it is a great idea, but this text does not help a GM understand how to work with those failures, nor does it help encourage a player to take advantage of that option.) Page 67 - that a player or players hordes unused Moments of Truth - "that Moments of Truth are being hoarded" (spelling error and a reasonable use of passive voice to avoid "a player or players" clunkiness.) Page 68 - Both troubles - "problems" Page 68 - boons or troubles - "problems" Page 68 - category of traits - "trait" Page 68 - supernatural - (The more I've thought about the game and how different settings and genres might work the more I think that it would be better to replace "supernatural talents" with something along the lines of "advanced talents" or "setting-specific talents" or avoiding the word "talent" altogether and calling them "setting-specific traits". That may avoid confusion.) Page 68 - improved with play - (either "during play" or "with XP", but I don't think "with play" sounds right.) Page 68 - skills using that - "skills associated with that" Page 69 - Probabilities of Success - (Wow, these charts make a very clear argument for the method of called shots discussed on BBT04. Dropping 2 dice for a called shot is much less punishing than requiring two more successes.) (I would also be curious to know what the chart looks like with 4,5,6 as the success numbers.) (I'm also curious what your "ideal" dice pool is, around which you are balancing, and how often you think someone should succeed. Consider that an "Average + Expert" person will fail more than a third of the time in the gritty tuning...is that good?) That's my read on MoT-2017-06-09! I hope that this helped, and I look forward to the continued evolution!
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Post by akavidar on Aug 11, 2017 19:01:40 GMT -8
Thanks for doing this. I'm slowly making edits. Wow, be careful what you ask for! Looks like he's putting in a lot of effort finding bugs for you.
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Post by Stu Venable on Aug 13, 2017 20:44:17 GMT -8
Yes, he has. I'm going to eventually find a copy editor for typos and such, but they won't see rules problems.
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hjillsok
Initiate Douchebag
Posts: 14
Preferred Game Systems: Savage Worlds, D&D5e, White Wolf, Rifts
Currently Playing: D&D5e
Currently Running: Savage Worlds
Favorite Species of Monkey: Big Blue
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Post by hjillsok on Aug 16, 2017 14:12:25 GMT -8
I do software QA and project management, so this is one of the things that I do for fun...
I can't wait to see the next draft!
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hjillsok
Initiate Douchebag
Posts: 14
Preferred Game Systems: Savage Worlds, D&D5e, White Wolf, Rifts
Currently Playing: D&D5e
Currently Running: Savage Worlds
Favorite Species of Monkey: Big Blue
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Post by hjillsok on Aug 18, 2017 20:59:52 GMT -8
Quick note on character advancement charts on page 65/66. As I was working on my character sheet I noticed that the XP chart for Statistics goes from 2-6, which then makes me wonder how I should read the line: "find your current stat or skill level, then pay the Exp Points cost for the next level to increase."
I read this to mean: If I want a 4 statistic I pay 40xp and if I want a 3 skill I pay 20.
But the rule says to fine the current level, so if I want a 4, then I would first find 3, and then pay the 20 that is listed?
I realized my confusion because of the 2 on the Stat chart. If all characters start with a 2 in everything, then no one is going to be spending XP on a 2 stat. Either 2 doesn't belong on the chart, or 6 doesn't.
Would it be better to word it thus: You must pay the cost listed for each step you increase your score. (If you have a 2 and would like to raise it to a 4, then you must pay for both 3 and 4, for a total of 60 points.)
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Post by Stu Venable on Aug 21, 2017 9:05:24 GMT -8
I'm putting up the new version now.
But I've only gone through about half of your edits.
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Post by Stu Venable on Aug 23, 2017 19:32:12 GMT -8
Here's my latest post at momentoftruthrpg.com. By the way, there was a "revision error" with dropbox, so some editing was lost. I've gone through it to fix what can. Here is the latest version of Moment of Truth. MoT-2017-08-23 (go to the web page for the actual link) A note to those helping with editing and rules evaluation: I'm in the final push to get the rules finished and ready for editing. If you're one of the folks who have been sending me edit suggestions and such, while I appreciate it, hold off for now. New revisions will be coming at a pretty rapid pace (there have been three since I first wrote this post). I'll probably post the latest version here every several days. I'm also in the process of adding extensive game play examples throughout the book, which will significantly increase the page count, and change the page numbering -- sometimes significantly. In a matter of hours, a page reference for a typo or rules suggestion will be meaningless, as some of the game play examples are pages long. I do intend to hire a proofreader and/or editor to look it over before the final release (a writer who hires himself as editor just hired a blind editor, or something like that). There have been some changes to the core mechanics, character generation, and MoT rules. I'm guessing, with the addition of game play examples, the page count in digest format will exceed 100 pages. Here are some notable changes: The Impossibility Exception rules are gone. If you have a dice pool that's lower than your TN, you either need to spend MoTs to get it higher or you simply can't do the task. Skill Points. Starting characters get more skill points and the costs of higher level skills have been adjusted. The skill point calculation is now a dial (as in, you can adjust the starting skill calculation to adjust the tone of the game). This is a result of a pretty universal feeling amongst my play test players that they just didn't have enough skill points to buy what they felt they needed. Perception and Stat Rolls. Perception stat rolls should now be avoided. Instead figure out a skill the player can pair with perception to get a decent dice pool. Stat rolls are pretty much reserved for certain game mechanics. We discovered in play testing that stat dice pools for perception were very low (since there was no skill added), and with a TN:2, they became pretty difficult. I now suggest you ALWAYS pair perception with a skill. Skills are broad enough that you should be able to fit some skill to any situation that comes up. MoT Spending. You can now give OTHER players MoTs for a specific roll. You can no longer spend MoTs on a roll where you've declared to Raise the Stakes, nor can you gain MoTs from failed rolls where you've spent MoTs.
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