Dear Riley,
Dec 9, 2017 10:57:41 GMT -8
Post by stork on Dec 9, 2017 10:57:41 GMT -8
Dear Riley,
Its been a while.
Ive written this letter hundreds of times over the last few years, and once a month went to the small town 40 miles away to send it to you, and every time I couldn't.
Enough time has past now and suddenly I feel I can.
I know what you did to me, and surprisingly, I am not angry at you. You actually did me a favor.
I'm not sure, but I don't feel your Blue Steel whammy would not have affected me so strongly if there wasn't something there already. You got inside long before you pulled the trigger. But by doing so, you crystallized intent, and calmed the gnawing dread of failure.
Without you, I'm not sure I would have been able to stick with this, I would have been lost to the beast long ago. I have fucked up so many things in my life and unlife, failure and weakness constant companions. Hunted for my transgressions, and constantly looking over my shoulder. Relying on no one but myself. Letting no one in for fear of betrayal, or worse yet, the shame of my addictions. But your whammy gave me the conviction to stick to a path.
I have been taught that we Vampires are the ultimate hunters - immortal and invulnerable. The beast within us is merely the expression of our predatory instinct. To deny that is to go against our nature. We survive by accepting the drives of our unliving state.
I do not revel in the the hunt, but I have come to accept the role of hunter. Inside the prison of the city there are kine and amusement, but outside, in the dark wild places we are the top predator, like an animal: feral, but ultimately in our proper place.
Before being embraced I was an addict. Addicted to drugs, sex, power, always losing and giving into my desires. After being embraced, the urges of the beast were yet another temptation, stronger and infinitely more dangerous than any I felt before, another self destructive activity to surrender too, and ultimately the most alluring. For years I would rail against the blood lust of my kind, I would fight against it and ultimately lose, as I always have, sending me further and further into the mindless feral state from which there is ultimately no return.
But now I realize that by embracing the beast, I can control it. Its like riding a wave. I no longer fight it, but bend and flow with it, and by doing so, ultimately have control. I takes training, to trust enough to let go, and ride it out, and not become the mindless ravenous thing we all fear. The beast does not win, rather, I claim the beast for my own. The beast teaches survival, strength and balance. It is a sort of wisdom, not the wisdom of mortals, but the primal wisdom of the hunt.
Because of my dietary affliction, I have been careful to stay away from mortals, and to kill what I hunt, leaving no blood to infect any living thing. So far It seems to work, and if I am not successful, well the plague still appears in wild animals from time to time, it doesn't seem to raise suspicions.
It turns out stalking Deer and Elk is more difficult, and more rewarding than the tedium of enticing and luring mortals. They are wily prey, used to living in the wild places, they are always wary, and make for a much more rewarding hunt than pouncing on some soft, alcoholic middle aged golfer. I have been spending much of my time in Asas favorite form, it seems.....fitting.
Occasionally when I have gone to town, I have indulged in looking through magazines for your name, I am pleased to see you and your fashion empire are thriving. That you have found peace, on your own path pleases me.
I also liked your last years collection called “The Wilding Way”. I can not help but think It was in some way inspired by me.
I know we have little in common anymore, but I still feel a connection too you. Though I destroyed my cell phone years ago, I know you know how to get a hold of me. I consider you part of my pack, If you ever need my aid, just call. I can not help but answer.
For now, I hunt.......
Albert.
Its been a while.
Ive written this letter hundreds of times over the last few years, and once a month went to the small town 40 miles away to send it to you, and every time I couldn't.
Enough time has past now and suddenly I feel I can.
I know what you did to me, and surprisingly, I am not angry at you. You actually did me a favor.
I'm not sure, but I don't feel your Blue Steel whammy would not have affected me so strongly if there wasn't something there already. You got inside long before you pulled the trigger. But by doing so, you crystallized intent, and calmed the gnawing dread of failure.
Without you, I'm not sure I would have been able to stick with this, I would have been lost to the beast long ago. I have fucked up so many things in my life and unlife, failure and weakness constant companions. Hunted for my transgressions, and constantly looking over my shoulder. Relying on no one but myself. Letting no one in for fear of betrayal, or worse yet, the shame of my addictions. But your whammy gave me the conviction to stick to a path.
I have been taught that we Vampires are the ultimate hunters - immortal and invulnerable. The beast within us is merely the expression of our predatory instinct. To deny that is to go against our nature. We survive by accepting the drives of our unliving state.
I do not revel in the the hunt, but I have come to accept the role of hunter. Inside the prison of the city there are kine and amusement, but outside, in the dark wild places we are the top predator, like an animal: feral, but ultimately in our proper place.
Before being embraced I was an addict. Addicted to drugs, sex, power, always losing and giving into my desires. After being embraced, the urges of the beast were yet another temptation, stronger and infinitely more dangerous than any I felt before, another self destructive activity to surrender too, and ultimately the most alluring. For years I would rail against the blood lust of my kind, I would fight against it and ultimately lose, as I always have, sending me further and further into the mindless feral state from which there is ultimately no return.
But now I realize that by embracing the beast, I can control it. Its like riding a wave. I no longer fight it, but bend and flow with it, and by doing so, ultimately have control. I takes training, to trust enough to let go, and ride it out, and not become the mindless ravenous thing we all fear. The beast does not win, rather, I claim the beast for my own. The beast teaches survival, strength and balance. It is a sort of wisdom, not the wisdom of mortals, but the primal wisdom of the hunt.
Because of my dietary affliction, I have been careful to stay away from mortals, and to kill what I hunt, leaving no blood to infect any living thing. So far It seems to work, and if I am not successful, well the plague still appears in wild animals from time to time, it doesn't seem to raise suspicions.
It turns out stalking Deer and Elk is more difficult, and more rewarding than the tedium of enticing and luring mortals. They are wily prey, used to living in the wild places, they are always wary, and make for a much more rewarding hunt than pouncing on some soft, alcoholic middle aged golfer. I have been spending much of my time in Asas favorite form, it seems.....fitting.
Occasionally when I have gone to town, I have indulged in looking through magazines for your name, I am pleased to see you and your fashion empire are thriving. That you have found peace, on your own path pleases me.
I also liked your last years collection called “The Wilding Way”. I can not help but think It was in some way inspired by me.
I know we have little in common anymore, but I still feel a connection too you. Though I destroyed my cell phone years ago, I know you know how to get a hold of me. I consider you part of my pack, If you ever need my aid, just call. I can not help but answer.
For now, I hunt.......
Albert.