I will place even stronger emphasis on
HyveMynd’s good sense.
I had a gamer who believed the game revolved around
the player not players – GM or other role (something even the hosts needed to recall in s11e03 advice that being the GM is being a player in a role and not a carpet to service players: the player relationship is
to give and to take). This gamer is vivacious, funny with a memory for all the hip/funny xkcd.com memes, and at the time was badly unemployed and also very lonely being a Polish expat in/from South Africa (who denied his Polish nationality as an Afrikaans because he hates Poland) and who had something to say on every topic.
I was approached by other players, who did not know each other as is the case with my game group design (which is built upon the concept of bringing people together rather than the concept of gamers seeking games) and who discretely asked me to tone this guy down. These were new-to-the-hobby people who enjoyed the xkcd/Knights of the Dinner Table humour, as did I, but did not like having the game be run as the floorshow of any one player. This was the guy who would counsel a woman pregnant with her second child exactly how to feel and how to handle pregnancy. Offering advice to everyone certainly includes specifying character builds, which the hobby terms munchkinism but generally goes unnoticed by the new-to-the-hobby people. It seemed to go unnoticed by the other gamers: a husband and wife. New-to-the-hobby people can immediately recognize this “munchkinism of life” is not a player character type – a distinction not every new-to-the-hobby person can make in the face of the all too common
just playing my character defence.
I understood its roots: loneliness and wanting to be liked by others. I tried to soften him without directly confronting him before the others approached me. Normally, I would have stuck to the counsel “you should have a private word with this gamer.” Also, if I am asked to intercede after giving my advice to say “I am not a group guidance counselor or private psychiatrist.” AND “I do not have the answers to life for everyone. I deal with my own shit.” But with a group problem I decided that with the intake of the next new-to-the-hobby person I would instigate a group general discussion about what we want from the game and I would lead that discussion over tea and biscuits for 5 minutes before the game.
This I did, politely, without calling out the gamer who had been with us for afew months as he recalled in a letter to all.
Below is that letter the group received, and the group of new-to-the-hobby people quit. So the advice to confront your problem player has one or two rather
major caveats to it in my book. (Given the gift of foresight, since life is a learning process, I would now handle this situation with less empathy and more finality.)
=== === ===
I did not enjoy yesterday's game and will not be returning. I've had enough of your passive-aggressive hate towards me and what I do.
I'd like to thank Gamer Husband and Gamer Wife for allowing me to have some fun with you, both at the new years party and at the games we managed to play together. It was both enjoyable and interesting speaking and gaming with you, and I hope that we can someday do it again. Your hospitality and warmth are not something i encounter often, and I thank you for it.
Player who approached me to have this guy toned down, I'd like to thank you for the interesting and varied conversations we've had over the months, and for the interesting and often frustratingly bad rolls you've had. You didn't let them ruin your fun, and we ended up having some stories to tell. I want to thank you for sticking with us when times looked bad, and for always being cheerful about it.
Another player who approached me to have this guy toned down. Thank you for some of the in-jokes and references that made me laugh when I shouldn't have, for the dependable tough guy in the party who protects us from the bad things. I regret that I won't be able to joke about with you any more.
To all the others that started with us, on our journey to find carts, undead or little things to smash or kill, thank you for showing me that there are people that like the same hobby that I like. We had some good laughs.
On to my reasons for leaving.
I'm tired of the passive-aggressive hate that I'm subject to by
Creativecowboyfor having a differing opinion, for liking things he doesn't like, for not being his errand-boy or his personal bitch.
You are a hypocritical parasitic man-child. You have no right or reason to insult me the way you do, all the while feigning superiority over me.
Your continual hate for everything that comes from, or is related to D&D3.5. It's all wrong, and it's all bad, and it limits player choices, and freedom, and ruins story-telling. WRONG. For every story you can think of that was played in AD&D( blessed be the edition of purity, holiness, and everything good ) I can find as many that were played in 3.5. I'm sure I could find plenty that were played in other systems. But feats are evil, skills limit possibilities so that means 3.5 is bad. Yet strangely enough, for all the hate you spew upon it, you use 3.5. 3.5 Dungeon Masters Guide, 3.5 Players Handbook and even the 3.5 Monster Manual. For someone who wants to tell a free-form story without having rules decide everything, you use the materials that you hate, full of the rules you despise. In fact, every time I called you out after one of your 'AD&D was better because it didn't have feats' monologues, you'd argue unsuccessfully that the 3.5 numbers/rules (which you hate but still use every single time) destroy the players' ability to tell stories. Stories that you already wrote, and won't allow us to have an impact on other than what you already planned for us. But to add insult upon insult, you choose to determine our actions not by the descriptions we give, but by the numbers we roll.
When I was checking for traps after finding the thread in the carved passage, I described my actions to be specific and descriptive. You still asked for rolls to determine success. So is it the description I give, as according to your wiki it's how I describe it not what I roll that matters, or the numbers I get?
You hate and despise 3.5 and yet you use it exclusively. Hypocrite.
You are a parasite because you leech off your girlfriend. You contribute nothing to the household you are a part of. You do not work and earn money, to pay for the rent, the food, or the electricity. Not once have you ever mentioned earning anything, specifically pointing out you are 'retired'. At 45? You must have done well for yourself to retire so early. You have the ability to look for work, and I bet if you actually tried, you'd find some way to earn minimal wage if not more. But it's easier to sit at home, whine about not having internet and how had it is to prepare an adventure with all the time you don't spend working. when your girlfriend ever mentions the fact she is the only bread-winner, you bitch and moan about it because you already know and you're both in the same situation. Parasitic man-child.
I really wish I could stop there but there's just so much more. I'll make it short however.
I invite you to my home, offer you free internet to activate your games, check your email, etc.. and I get called a 'console gamer' as an insult. "You'd pull an all nighter' you claim, knowing nothing about what games I like, or when I play them, or how long I play them for. You use a term you don't know the meaning of in an ad-hominem attack against me and my hobbies. Hobbies which you share with me by the way. Why the hate? Probably because I didn't agree to write your RPG blog for you therefore I'm a mad crazy murderous 'gamer'. Or maybe because I didn't recruit players for you as fast and efficiently as you liked. Are you going to start passive-aggressive hate towards
Player who approached me to have this guy toned downnext?
Player who approached me to have this guy toned down? They're both 'gamers' too.
I have never intentionally insulted you. I have always tried to be open-minded and accepting to other people, even those I don't share the same opinions with. But I can't do that anymore, and I won't even try. You keep staring at the glass of water and someday it'll become vodka. That's your logic. Or your Bestest-Best-Friend-Forever,
New-to-the-hobby Player Intake (a science teacher) who claims that quantum physics allows solid objects to pass through other solid objects. The laws of physics do not allow that to happen, no matter what politician tells you otherwise. But you don't care. She played AD&D, so she's perfect in every way. Seldom before have I been in a position where two persons use bad 'science' to 'prove' points that are not related to the discussion.
So I'm done. I'm leaving and I will not participate in any game run by
Creativecowboy. If that means I don't get to play RPGs with english speakers, that is a price I am willing to pay. I don't care whether the group stays together , or if it falls apart . I have nothing against the players, individually or as a group, but I will not extend generosity to a person that does not show me basic respect and decency.
No doubt I will be demonized for this, for liking games that most of you like and play regularly, for being younger than some of you, or for other mental handicaps I'm sure will be 'revealed'. Maybe this is excessive, but I'm doing what I feel I need to do.
I have nothing left to say, so I will finish now.
If anyone knows of an English rpg group that has a spot open, please contact me. Game system doesn't matter.
Andy